You all right?
I hate flying.
Little turbulence. We'll be through it in a minute.
- Mother of God. - This is so embarrassing.
I mean, I treat people for this. I'm a psychiatrist.
Well, there's a small world. I'm a psychiatrist too.
Dr. Frasier Crane.
Oh, I've heard your show. Dr. Anne Ranberg.
- Lovely to meet you. Ha, ha. - Nice to meet you.
Now, don't let me interrupt you. You seemed kind of deep in thought.
I suppose I was.
It's been a rather eventful three weeks for me.
If you wanna talk about it, it might get our minds off the flight.
Uh, it's really rather personal. It's nothing you'd be interested in.
Okay, then.
- So I was dating this woman... - Mm-hm?
Weren't we on our way to lunch?
Yes.
And then you followed me in here when I came to get my briefcase
and uttered the fatal phrase that no man can resist.
- I said, "I like your pillow shams." - Mm-hm.
Nice try, my little temptress, but I'm down for at least an hour.
Have time for lunch before work?
Well, my show doesn't start till 2.
It's only... Oh, dear God!
- Where the hell is he? - I don't know. I called his cell,
I've called his house. You're gonna have to go on.
- Me? - Yeah, you. Well, I'm not.
Last time I did it, it was a disaster.
Aren't you saying you used to be a DJ?
Oh, 20 years ago. I can't anymore.
It better come back. You got five seconds.
Well, I can't! I'm a nervous wreck.
My palms are sweaty, my mouth is like cotton.
Hey, Emerald City, Kenny Daly here.
Master of the mike, baron of the booth,
the man of the hour, too sweet to be sour.
The doctor is out today, but Kenny's here,
filling the seat, taking the heat.
I might even throw in a call or two to Grandma Gert.
But no kids. I hate kids.
Ooh, she's in a mood today.
Who's in the booth?
Why, it's Percy Von Snootenheim.
Turn that off.
I'm sorry I have to rush off.
I wish we could spend the whole day together.
I don't leave for Chicago until midnight. I'll make you dinner.
Oh, that sounds great. I'd love that.
- Any requests? - Uh...
I liked what I had for lunch.
Why don't I just surprise you?
Still sounding like lunch.
Isn't that a great song, people?
Really brings back the memories.
Sorry I kind of forgot the words there in the middle.
So let's toss it to the news.
- Where the hell have you been? - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I had a doctor's appointment. It couldn't be helped.
Just in time. This turned out to be one of your better shows.
Well, thank you, Kenny.
- Darling. - Bebe, what are you doing here?
I just came by to see my favourite client
and the wonderful man who has given him such a happy, happy home.
Ah, you're the best, Bebe.
Good news. I'm busting you out of this hellhole.
- What? - Ever hear of Dr. Mark Reisman?
San Francisco radio psychiatrist?
Yes, we had a nice encounter once at a conference.
Well, last week, he had a not-so-nice encounter with a falling air conditioner.
Anyway, they want you to replace him, and the money's huge.
Poor Mark.
What a ghastly way to die.
Yes, I cried so hard,
it was all I could do to stuff your demo tape in the FedEx pouch.
But they want you.
Well, it's very tempting, Bebe, but I'm very happy here in Seattle.
- I don't want to leave. - Darling, it's San Francisco.
Do you know what life is like there for a good-looking straight man?
You'll be like a Snickers bar at a fat camp.
Yeah, no. My answer is still, uh, no, Bebe. I've got to begin my show.
Well, that's gratitude for you.
Do you have any idea the lengths I went to to make this happen?
Wait a minute. You were in San Francisco last week. Don't tell me.
I was nowhere near that air conditioner.
You're worse than the police.
We're such a cliché.
Little woman at the stove, big rugged man
- with his brawny arms... - Ooh, the Hollandaise is breaking.
Dad, I thought you were going out with Niles and Daphne.
- Yeah, I'm waiting on Ronee. - Charlotte is leaving in three hours.
This is our farewell dinner.
- Oh, hi, Martin. - Oh, hi, how are you?
Don't worry, we're leaving.
I'm not gonna spoil your romantic mood. Heh, heh.
Hey, Ronee, what, did you fall in?
I thought you were meeting them downstairs.
Well, that's what I thought too.
Hey, Martin. Oh, thank God you're home, doc.
I'm going crazy. I need advice.
- We just put dinner on the table. - Thanks, but I'm too worked up to eat.
Doing your show today, I got the fever.
I wanna get back behind the mic.
But should I quit my job, throw away my whole career
and financial security, just to chase some cockamamie dream?
Yes! Off you go.
You didn't even have to think about it.
You always believed in me, doc.
- Kenny Daly. - Hi, nice to meet you.
- This is Charlotte. - I'm getting all messy here.
Let me just pop into the powder room real fast.
Ronee! While we're young!
Too late.
- Well, have a great evening, you two. - Yes, uh, thank you. Bye.
Oh, damn it. My contact slipped. Hang on.
- Whoa. - Whoa, yourself.
Do we know him?
- Knock, knock. - For God's sake.
I know it's your special night, but my wife insisted we come up.
I'm sorry. Won't be a minute.
- Whoa! - Oh, sorry. I'll just run down the hall.
Maybe I'll start over on that dinner.
I'm sorry for intruding, but, you know,
nowadays Daphne can't go ten minutes. We're late for everything.
Yes, Chez Henri hates it when people are late.
I tell you what, why don't we call for that elevator right now
and tell Henri that the first round of drinks is on me?
- Whisky, please. - Simon!
Oh, Frasier, how are you?
Please, leave immediately.
Oh. There's my little sister.
You're not so little anymore, though, are you?
Simon, what are you doing here?
Well, I heard you was knocked up, so I brought you a present.
Come on in, lads!
- Hello, sis. - Oh, Michael!
Oh!
And Stephen! Ha, ha.
We knew you'd be here when we went to your house and you wasn't there.
So we took the liberty of leaving our things in your guestroom.
- How did you get in? - How did we...?
Stephen and Michael,
- this is my husband Niles. - Hello.
Oh, and his brother Frasier, and this is Martin
- and Ronee. - How are you'?
- And, sorry, your name again? - Kenny.
- Hey.
So, lads, I'll tell you what:
That's right, Michael.
- Frasier does very well for himself. - Huh.
Tell you what, let's take the tour.
There will be no tours! Listen up.
- Why don't you join us for dinner? - Good. I'll lay the table.
- Is this real silver? - Give me that.
That's a bloody great ashtray.
Put that down.
We could have some real fun if you got rid of some of those people.
Oh, just give us a minute there, love.
Who is that creep?
You know, I'm getting some very mixed signals.
All right, that's it. I want you all out of here.
And I do not mean a leisurely exit.
I mean a break-neck, trampling-each-other,
this-theatre's-on-fire stampede!
All right, you know, I can take a hint, Frasier. Right, look,
that's a lovely woman that you've got for yourself.
- Congratulations. Yeah. - Yes, thank you.
- Yeah, give us a call, bird. - Go on, get out. Move, move.
- Because it's not a word. - Yes, it is.
- No, it's not. Use it in a sentence. - Yes, it is.
Her grandmother's bed was warm and quilty.
And why is she lying there?
Because she's feeling all befevered again?
Could I borrow your F? I've got a message for you.
Hello?
Okay, thanks.
- My car's here. - Mm.
I still don't know why you won't let me drive you.
No, I can't stand all that airport goodbye stuff.
- This is better. - Right. Uh...
- Well, then, uh... - Look, let's not, um...
- Right, right. - Because
- if you start... - Yeah, me too. Okay. Uh...
Well, then, uh, good luck in Chicago.
- Thanks. - Got your ticket?
Uh...
- Yeah. - Great, great. Oh. Oh, listen,
I have a little something here for you.
Oh, damn it. I knew you were gonna do
something sweet. I didn't get you anything.
It's just a hair band I found in the shower drain.
- Thanks. - Yeah. Ha, ha.
Let me get your coat. Ha, ha.
This wasn't supposed to be so hard.
I don't know about you,
but I've had enough easy goodbyes.
I'm kind of glad to have the chance to have another tough one.
Thank you for a great three weeks.
- Bye, Charlotte. - Bye, Frasier.
- Forgot my scarf. - Oh, oh, my fault.
Right.
- Bye. - Bye.
Hmm?
- Cell phone. - Oh. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Ha, ha.
- Ow! - Oh.
Oh.
- Sorry. - It's... No, it's my fault.
- Uh...
- Yeah, uh, here. - Bye.
- See you. - See you.
Oh, for God's sake, what now?
I couldn't say goodbye on a head butt.
Mm.
Feel better?
Positively quilty.
- Hey, Niles. What are you doing here? - Hey, Dad.
Escaping.
I woke this morning to find Daphne's brothers playing a game called:
I Can Reach It From Here.
I'll give you a hint. The "it" was a toilet.
And there were no winners.
Oh, also, I stopped by to see how Frasier's holding up.
Well, he was asleep when I got home and he's still in bed.
Probably depressed. I'm sure this Charlotte thing
- has got him bereft... - Oh, shh, shh, shh.
- Morning, Dad. Hey, Niles. - Hey.
How's it going? How're you doing? Let me get you a coffee.
- I can get it. - I brought you some of those
- cookies you like. - Milano's.
Oh, well, thank you.
Now, you just sit down.
I made you a little breakfast.
I see what's going on.
You think I'm in tatters
because Charlotte's gone back to Chicago. Well, I'm not.
I'm not gonna say I won't miss her like crazy,
but we knew going in that our time was limited.
We made the most of it.
I have no regrets.
- Morning. - Except for leaving that door unlocked.
We thought you might like to join us for brunch.
Darn. Niles and I just reserved a squash court.
Yes, we're on thin ice with the appointments director as it is.
He's already moved our lockers next to the flip-flop drop.
This whole place:
That's right, Michael. Frasier has a very nice flat,
but you was here last night.
Was I?
Oh, I think I need to sit down a minute
- before we go. - Oh, please.
Can you believe this baby might be two weeks late?
He's a Moon, all right.
Every lad in our family was at least two weeks late.
Once we get comfy, nothing budges us.
- Right, lads? - Right.
Could I get a glass of water, please?
Glass of water. Yes.
- Right, right. - Oh, Fras-o?
Be a good man. Go get us a nice big...
Yeah. Three.
Three.
Do you have any idea what he's saying?
Not a word.
Apparently, Stephen was dropped as a child.
- I thought the mumbler was Michael. - He was dropped on Michael.
The idea that our son might take after them is making me crazy.
Now, Niles, just remember
those hearty Crane genes are in there too.
Oh, please. Those Moon genes have probably beaten our genes up
and stolen their lunch money.
That is why I am taking action.
I was going to wait until tonight but I can see that every minute is critical.
- What's this? - This is called the Born Musician.
You put this speaker on the mother's stomach
and it bombards the baby with classical music,
- instilling a taste for higher culture. - Ah.
The closest thing we had to that was Dad
bongoing out "Babalu" on Mom's belly.
- Here we are. - Oh.
Niles, look what Stephen just gave me.
You know who'll be jealous? Mrs. Zicklin from the building.
- Doesn't she have one just like this? - No, I don't think she does.
I bought you a present too.
This plays soothing music for the baby.
See, you just... You put this speaker here, just like that.
Then, if you want to hear a selection of say, oh, I don't know, Vivaldi,
you turn this dial and then...
- Oh! - Oh.
Goodness, he's never kicked like that before.
We've got a little footballer in the family.
Finally got something we can drink to.
Let's go to the pub.
Yeah!
♪ We hate Nottingham Forest. ♪
♪ We hate Liverpool too. ♪
And Leeds!
♪ We hate Manchester City. ♪
- You coming, Martin? - I'm waiting on Ronee, we'll meet you
- at the restaurant. - Okay.
- Marty? - Mm-hm?
I just off the phone with the Branford Inn.
They called to confirm our wedding reservation for May 15th.
But we're getting married July 15th.
Yes, but they have us down for May. Apparently, July 15th is booked
along with every other weekend between now and October.
- What happened? - I don't know.
- You made the reservation. - For July 15th.
Well, I love how she blames me.
Why would I randomly pick a d...
- Oh, no. - What?
May 15, Eddie's birthday.
Well, I'm sure you can find someplace else.
But we had our hearts set on the Branford Inn.
- It's where we had our second date. - Mm.
We had a little too much wine and the couple at the next table said:
"Get a room." And so we did.
Oh, well, guess I'd better start thinking about Plan B.
Oh, damn.
I just feel sorry for Ronee. You know, her first wedding
was kind of bare-boned,
and that's why she had her heart set on something special.
You know,
a fancy menu, swing band, flowers everywhere.
You need that once in your life.
Dad, Niles and I have been wondering what to get you for your wedding,
and maybe we could just give you the wedding.
You still have the Branford Inn on the 15th.
But that's eight days away. You have to get a caterer, a justice of the peace.
I can officiate. I have my license
from that time I married those commitment-phobes on my show.
- Oh, are they still together? - Not the time, Niles.
Ronee, the boys think they can throw a fancy wedding together by May 15th.
But that's in eight days.
Well, it only took us four days to throw together our seafood-themed.
Friends of the Marina Bouilla-bash.
Well, all right. God, that's great of you guys.
- Thank you. - Wow, what do you know?
Yeah, leave it to the duke and duchess to save our behinds.
I'm sorry, leave it to whom?
- They don't know about that one? Oh. - Just keep walking.
- Obviously you're the duchess. - Obviously you're the duchess. No.
Dancers, rehearsal is over. Please wait upstairs.
I don't want anyone to see you until the floorshow.
I'm sorry, we're still setting up.
Clint, would you please go outside?
Tell everyone they can't come in here until after the ceremony.
It will spoil the entire reveal.
You can't blame them. It's 90 degrees out there.
Everyone's dripping wet.
I hope our Chinese acrobats are sufficiently rosined.
- Holy mackerel. Whoa. - You guys are amazing.
I'm glad you like it, you two.
You've got to go get changed.
You're getting married in ten minutes.
Traffic was bad. We got stuck behind this old bus. A church group.
Good. Our gospel choir is here. Go make sure they're fitted
with their angel wings, and give them all a meal voucher.
Frasier?
Sorry, I can't let you in. I know it's warm out there.
Go have a drink with Kenny.
I just did. He told me all about his new DJ job.
Good for him. I'll come down and give him a hug.
Well, bring a towel. He just sweated through a hammock.
This sucks. The softest boss we ever had is leaving.
- Come on, Frasier, let me in. - Well, oh, all right, Roz.
Can't say I blame you. It's the ninth circle of hell out there.
Do you love this weather or what?
Bebe. What are you doing here?
- Your strategy worked, you genius. - What strategy?
Turning down the San Francisco job.
They've offered you 20 percent more money
and thrown in a weekly TV gig on the morning news.
Television?
Well, that certainly sounds tempting,
but my home is here. There are more important things than money.
Yes, I know. There's power.
- But money can buy that. - Bebe!
Fine.
If you don't like the terms of the deal, I'll have another swing at it.
- Did that old man just faint? - What?
Oh, good Lord.
That's my cannon operator. At the end of the ceremony,
he's supposed to fire that antique cannon.
I'm not sure there's anybody else who knows how to work the damn thing.
- Frasier! - Niles!
Disaster!
Dear God, you first.
- Our cannon man's down. Heat stroke. - Our flower girl is down. Drunk.
The flower girl?
Apparently, someone gave her champagne.
Well, who would give liquor to a 6-year-old girl?
The party's here, lads.
Simon.
Did you give our flower girl champagne?
I may have.
Well, the poor little thing was nervous about getting her part right.
- Nervous. - Here's our little ring bearer.
- Ronee will be down in two minutes. - Oh, great!
Still no flower girl, and now no one to fire our cannon.
Cannon?
If it's a cannon you need fired, Michael's your man.
Oh, yeah, he's a great one for shooting things.
Which foot is it that's missing two toes?
Um, that one.
All right, then, come along, all of you. See if you can figure out this thing.
Now, your cue to fire it is when I say, at the end of the ceremony:
"Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Martin Crane."
- You got it? - Right.
Boom.
- Is Eddie growling? - Aw.
It's his stomach. Poor thing hasn't eaten.
We can't have him rumbling up the aisle.
Give him some of that pâté.
Ooh, Roz, do you think that we can enlist Alice to be our flower girl?
- What do you say? - Sure.
Oh, that's splendid news. Here, here, take these rose petals.
You're supposed to strew them in the aisle
as you lead the procession in and out.
Oh, you know what? I guess I'd better give our ring bearer
- his precious cargo. - Roz?
Her cue to lead the procession out at the end of the ceremony is when I say:
"Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Martin Crane."
Oh!
Not now!
What the hell was that?
- What are you looking for? - The ring. I dropped it
- when that cannon was fired... - It's in the pâté! Eddie, no!
It's just our luck. When the gun went off,
it startled a truck driver. He slammed into a lamppost.
Now the entire roadway is blocked.
Could anything else go wrong at this wedding?
What?
There's a veterinarian five minutes from here.
He can make Eddie cough up that ring.
All right, then, off you go, both of you. Hurry, please.
We've only got the skywriter till 5.
Clint, could you please turn up that air conditioning to the maximum?
That ice sculpture over there is by the renowned artist Arthur Nudzac
and it's melting already.
- What's that? - We just blew out the compressor.
Just don't stand there, please. Call a repairman.
Frasier? Frasier?
You've got to let these people in.
Yes, Roz, I'm sorry. I know it's warm.
No, it's not the heat. That truck that just crashed was full of cattle.
The sound of gentle mooing in the background
- might lend a pastoral effect. - Cattle, Frasier.
Large, undiapered cattle that just heard a cannon go off.
Oh, all right, I'll handle this. Uh,
wedding guests, we thank you for your cooperation and your patience.
People, please. Please.
No air conditioning in an room full of overheated guests
My Nudzac is dripping already.
With the dark suit, it's hardly noticeable.